“What kind of limousine will you have for your wedding?” a good friend asked me.

To me, this matter is of penultimate importance, second only to the choice of the bride herself. This question carries as much weight most brides would find in “What kind of dress/cake/location/season do you want?”

None of you, dear readers, will be surprised to know that I gave my friend a rapid and detailed reply. Nor will you be shocked to know that the top spot in my list is occupied by a Soviet limousine, the ZiL 41047.


The point of today’s entry is not to bask in the ZiL’s glory—but I’ll get to that someday. No: today I want to tell you how this question sent me on what can only be described as a “ZiL bender,” a trip through space and time, to an age of Cold War euphoria, and, oddly enough, Nazi collectibles.

I qualified my limo-choice answer by saying, “But I can’t actually get a ZiL, because there aren’t any in this country.” My friend’s response sent a chill down my spine: “Are you sure?”

No, I wasn’t sure. I probably know as much about ZiLs as any non-Russian American, but I can’t say for certain that not a single one of these hearse-like limousines ever found a home in the land of the free.

[Btw, ZiL did make an actual hearse. It is the ur-hearse, so hearse-y that it could be a hearse for hearses.]

Making good use of company resources, I searched a mega-database of news sources for any mention of ZiL importation schemes. Lo and behold, in 1991 an American collector by the name of Ralph Engelstad told a two-bit county rag that the collapse of the Soviet Union opened up a new world of autos for him to add to his collection. He kept his cars in a hotel he owned, the Imperial Casino in Las Vegas.

Now, Ralph was an interesting character. He liked Nazis. Well, maybe he didn’t like Nazis. But he did amass a “collection of Nazi memorabilia in the casino, including a painting of himself dressed in Nazi uniform (captioned "to Adolf from Ralphie"), a painting of Hitler with the reverse caption, and the cars of Nazi leaders.” He also got slammed for hosting Hitler-themed parties on the birthday of said Fuhrer.

It must be admitted that the t-shirts he handed out for these parties had a rather witty slogan, “Adolf Hitler—European Tour 1939-1945”

(This is from wikipedia, so it must be true.)

So Ralph had a hard-on for evil, including evil’s cars. He owned one of Hitler’s Mercedes parade cars. And, according to a two-bit country rag, he wanted to acquire one of Stalin’s limousines. Alas, Stalin predated the ZiL 41047 by a few decades. So Ralph’s taste in evil didn’t synch with my taste in squared-off 1970’s behemoths. Even if he did manage to acquire one of Stalin’s swoopy old jalopies (sometimes called “Black Marias”), it’s not the sort of thing I’d want at my wedding.

Interesting fact: Stalin’s cars were sometimes borrowed by Lavrenti Beria, his chief secret policeman, to prowl the streets of Moscow for very underage girls. Does this add collectible value to his limousines? If only Ralph were still around to enlighten us. He died in 2002, though his car collection remains on display, and on sale, in Las Vegas.

Ralph Engelstad turned out to be a dead end, albeit a fascinating one. I switched over to google, and hit one of my usual ZiL sites. I reread it and found an interesting comment: When Gorbachev visited the US, he brought his ZiL, and this piqued the interest of Americans. Apparently, some newspapers wrote articles about it….

Back to the mega-database, this time searching for “ZiL and Gorbachev” 1987-1991. I didn’t find much except passing mentions of Gorby’s mysterious black pseudo-Cadillac. But I did spend a pleasant hour transported back to the late 1980’s, reading accounts of Gorbachev’s visit.

In 1987, Reagan and Gorbachev were trying to figure out how not incinerate each other’s countries. Americans were thrilled at the prospect of living to a ripe old age, unencumbered by fear of fallout or marauding bands of radioactive mutants. If you’re reading this blog, you’re probably too young to remember much of this. In theory, so was I—except my social skills had decided to take a decade-long nap, leaving the rest of my brain free to worry about things like arms control and nuclear holocaust….

So Gorby came to Washington for a Big Summit. And you know what he did? He told the driver of his gleaming black ZiL to stop in the middle of the city. And Gorby got out of the car.

A crowd gathered ‘round the man who had the power to broil us in our beds. He told a bunch of average Americans, in full view of reporters, that he had come to ensure peace for us and our children. The crowd cheered, and a timid woman approached the Soviet premier and asked to shake his hand.

He grasped her hand, and this man, whom most Americans suspected was a cousin of Darth Vader, was transformed into a rock star. The crowd went wild, and Gorby Fever swept the country.

We felt like we had just woken up from a 40-year nightmare, that everything would finally be OK. Gorby didn’t want to kill us, he wanted to be our friend!

After about 10 minutes, he got back into the ZiL and went to dinner with Ronald Reagan.

Another cluster of ZiL + Gorbachev articles appeared four years later. In 1991, he came back to visit us, this time trying to negotiate the liberation of Eastern Europe. He later learned that there wasn’t much to negotiate: once you announce that you’re not going to nuke the countries you’re oppressing, they’re not going to stick around for the rest of your speech.

But Gorby (and his oft-noted ZiL) was welcomed back in the US like an old friend. He was mobbed when he appeared in public, though he seemed a little less ecstatic than last time. He had a lot on his mind, particularly the rise of a popular alcoholic named Boris Yeltsin.

I could say a lot about Boris, but there’s only one thing that really matters: he didn’t like ZiLs. He preferred respectable, German-made Mercedes limousines. ZiL nearly abandoned the limo business, until Vladimir Putin took over.

Putin, a former KGB man, likes things done the old way. The army should be strong, the people should be weak, and the limousines should be ZiLs.

Maybe ZiL’s return to favor will mean that a 41047 will some day grace our roads. It would be pretty spiffy if I could get one for my wedding. But it won't happen, unless I become the Great Leader of Russia in the next year or so.

David Stanleyovich for President!!!