These things I belive:

Six cylinders are just barely enough.

Eight cylinders guarantee happiness.

Turbos are manic-depressive. Sometimes they're a hoot, but the rest of the time they're just sad.

Every wheel should have power.

But if you can't send power to all four wheels, send it to the rear wheels.

The distance from the front axle to the base of the windshield should be greater than the distance from the front axle to the front bumper. (Think about it.)

More buttons are more fun.

LED brakelights should be mandatory.

People who hate HIDs are just jealous.

Every additional cupholder takes a year off your life.

Anyone who walks into a Pontiac dealership should automatically lose their license.

The left lane is for passing. FOR CHRISSAKE, THE LEFT LANE IS FOR PASSING.

Respect pedestrians in crosswalks. Screw the rest of them.