The Right Pedal

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Et tu, BMW?

BMW has long poo-poohed fuel economy concerns—for which it deserves our profound respect. BMWs are driven by people who can afford a bigger fuel bill than your typical Camry driver. There is no hybrid BMW 5-series, and I hope there never is. Hybrid systems add complexity without improving the driving experience, the raison d’etre of BMWs. Financially, hybrids are utter nonsense. And with today’s emissions technologies, which are frankly amazing—there are Volvos which leave the air CLEANER after they drive through it—the gasoline engine is perfectly acceptable from an ecological view.

But BMW has offended me yet again. They just announced plans to sell a hydrogen-powered 7-series. It will be an eco-weenie version of their autobahn-busting luxo-bomb. It will be based on the 760Li, normally powered by a 438 hp engine that slings this two-ton pebble to 60 mph in just 5.4 seconds. (For those of you who don’t obsess over such stats, that’s WICKED FAST.)

The hydrogen-filled zeppelin version, by contrast, wheezes out 260 hp and ambles to 60 mph in 9.5 seconds. If grandma in her Chevy Impala guns her engine at a stoplight, you’d better show some restraint… unless you want to eat her dust and swallow your pride. And I hope you’re excited about seeing the tail lights of every minivan in town, ‘cause lots of them can smoke this Bimmer, too.

Did I mention that it will cost $120,000?

I know this is supposed to be a first step toward the hydrogen economy, blah blah blah. But what if BMW had spent those millions of dollars on the less-lofty, less-sexy goal of making Diesel-powered cars that could pass US emissions regulations? I don’t know—do I look like a psychic??? But I’ll go out on a limb and say that we’d probably be driving clean, efficient, powerful Diesel Bimmers right now. That’s a lot more appealing than this ultra-rare, ultra-lame Hindenburg.

You may have noticed that I said BMW offended me “yet again.” Here’s a brief list of the ways I’ve been personally maddened. (Emphasis on “personally”—I haven’t driven an iDrive car, so they get a pass on that one.)

1. Bangle.
2. Unsupportive seats in the 3-series
3. Bangle.
4. Ugly hood seams
5. Bangle.
6. Stiff accelerator pedals in the 3-series
7. Bangle.
8. Incompetent service at BMW Gallery of Norwell
9. I feel like I’m forgetting one more… oh yeah: Bangle.

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